Yes, Be Careful What You Share—But Don’t Silence Who You Are

A follow-up to “Is Venting Hurting Your Marriage?”

A few weeks ago, I wrote about venting—and how, when we’re not careful, it can quietly chip away at trust in our marriage.

And I still believe that.

There’s power in learning to pause before we speak.

There’s wisdom in giving our spouse a chance to grow without putting every struggle on display.

But over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the other side of the conversation.

What I’ve Realized Since Then

After writing that post, I found myself thinking even more about what it means to “protect your marriage.”

And honestly… it’s not always black and white.

Because yes—venting can be harmful when it’s unfiltered or fueled by frustration.

But silence? That can be harmful too.

Sometimes what we call “protecting” is really just pressuring ourselves to pretend everything’s fine—and that’s not fair, or healthy.

I’ve always been someone who shares.

Who processes through connection.

Who finds clarity in safe, honest conversation.

And for a while, I thought that made me messy. Too much.

But now I see it differently:

That part of me isn’t a weakness—it’s a gift God can use.

When I share wisely, when I speak from a place of reflection instead of reaction, I believe it creates space for others to heal too.

Because people don’t just need polished testimonies.

They need real-time reminders that God still works in process.

So no, I’m not trying to broadcast my marriage.

But I’m also not going to shame myself for being human.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Vulnerability isn’t the enemy. Isolation is.

And healing isn’t found in pretending—it’s found in truth.

A Word on Wisdom (and Safe Spaces)

Let me also say this—because it’s important:

Not everyone is a safe space.

Not everyone deserves access to your heart.

Just because you can share doesn’t mean you should share with everyone.

Keep your circle small.

Make sure it’s full of people who are prayerful, wise, and have your best interests at heart.

People who will speak life over you—not add fuel to the fire.

And before you bring your struggle to others—bring it to your spouse.

That’s where healing begins.

But here’s the thing: absolutely never sharing at all isn’t strength.

It’s isolation. And it’s unrealistic.

God designed us for community.

And when we choose the right people, He can use those moments of honesty to bring clarity, peace, and even restoration.

The Bottom Line

You can be private and still be real.

You can be wise and still be vulnerable.

You can protect your marriage and still protect yourself.

So this post isn’t me backtracking on what I said before—

It’s me making room for the full story.

Because protecting your peace doesn’t mean pretending.

And growing through your marriage doesn’t mean going through it alone.