Still Becoming Her: A Letter to the Woman in Process

Let’s just be real: I’m not “her” yet.

You know who I’m talking about.

Her.

The version of me who’s thriving.

She wakes up early (and actually enjoys it), drinks water, works out, journals, shows up consistently online, is patient with her kids, affectionate with her husband, and somehow finds time to walk in purpose and still look good doing it.

That girl?

I’m trying to be her.

But right now… I’m in the middle.

I’m still figuring things out.

I’m still building habits.

I’m still praying through cycles.

I’m still becoming her.

So if you’re in the same place—trying, tired, aware of your potential but still sorting through the mess—this letter is for you.

When I Tried to Pull It Together… and Broke Down Instead

Some days I fight with myself more than anyone else.

I want to create content, be a present mom, show up as a wife, clean the house and keep it that way, build a business, stay close to God—and I constantly feel like something’s falling behind. Spoiler: it’s usually the content. Or my peace. Or both.

And it’s frustrating, because I care. I really care.

But caring and keeping up with it all aren’t always the same thing.

I’m learning that becoming her doesn’t mean balancing it all perfectly.

It means giving yourself grace when something has to wait—and not letting that make you feel like you’re failing.

When I Didn’t Feel Pretty, and I Couldn’t Explain Why

The other day, I just felt… off.

Sad. Not cute. Not myself.

And I couldn’t even tell you why.

I looked in the mirror like, “Maybe if my hair was done…” but I also knew—deep down—that wouldn’t fix it. It wasn’t about hair or clothes or anything external. It was internal.

And I couldn’t snap out of it.

But I’m realizing that sometimes you don’t need to snap out of it. You just need to sit in it, throw on some gospel, cry if you need to, and remember that “feeling like her” isn’t the only proof you’re becoming her.

When I Reached the Goal But Still Felt Behind

I’ve made digital products.

I started a blog.

I launched a podcast I actually love.

And I’ve posted plenty of content.

But I kept holding back—because it didn’t feel like enough.

I wanted the whole content system together first.

The YouTube videos, the Instagram posts, the TikToks scheduled.

I thought once it all clicked, then I could show up fully.

But it never all clicked.

And I started believing the lie that I’d never be successful at what I felt called to do—just because it wasn’t perfectly packaged yet.

God’s been reminding me:

Stop waiting for it to look like success before you treat it like purpose.

Just show up. You’re not behind. You’re just still becoming.

When I Set a Quiet Boundary and Chose My Own Way

This one was a little personal.

There’s always been this subtle narrative in my life—like I couldn’t fully manage everything on my own. Especially when it came to running my household or staying on top of things. And for a long time, I kind of believed it.

I’d let people step in, even when it didn’t feel good.

Even when it made me feel small.

Even when I knew I was capable—but just tired or figuring it out.

But this time? I said no.

Not with attitude. Not with a big announcement.

Just a quiet boundary that said, “I’ve got it. And I want to figure it out on my own this time.”

Because I’ve been learning how to do things my way.

How to manage our home and routines with what actually works for us.

I’ve been going back to what grounds me—writing things down, testing systems, making tweaks, trusting my instincts.

And in that moment, I caught a glimpse of her.

The version of me that stands on her own.

The version that doesn’t need outside validation to know she’s growing.

I almost didn’t recognize her—but I liked her.

The Journal + The Planner: Tiny but Intentional Shifts

So I ordered a journal.

Not for content. Not for the ‘gram.

Just to talk to God. For me.

And I got a planner—because I know I think better when I write things down.

I don’t have a perfect system. It’s not aesthetic.

But it helps.

Because becoming her isn’t always big moves and aesthetic vlogs.

Sometimes it’s tiny decisions that no one sees—

but you feel them.

I haven’t mastered it yet—but I’m trying.

And when I do show up? I feel more grounded.

It reminds me of this verse I came across again recently:

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him;

though he may stumble, he will not fall,

for the Lord upholds him with His hand.”

(Psalm 37:23–24, NIV)

That hit me hard—because stumbling doesn’t mean you’re not growing.

It just means you’re still moving.

Final Thoughts: What “Her” Means to Me

She’s not just aesthetic.

She’s grounded.

She loves God, takes care of herself, nurtures her people, and walks in purpose.

She’s not rushing, but she’s not stuck either.

She’s becoming—intentionally.

And so am I.

Some days I feel far from her.

Some days I am her and don’t even realize it.

But every day, I get to decide to keep going.

To keep growing.

To stop waiting for perfect and show up in the middle.

So if you’re in that same place—half tired, half trying—just know:

You’re not behind.

You’re not disqualified.

You’re not too messy.

You’re not too late.

You’re still becoming her.

And that still counts.

Want to reflect on your own?

Grab your journal (or Notes app, let’s be real) and write this out:

• What does your “her” look like?

• What’s one thing you’ve done lately that proves you’re already becoming her?

• Where is God meeting you in the in-between?

You don’t have to be there yet.

Just don’t stop showing up.